Tuesday, April 6

I am feeling a little bit...what is the opposite of grounded? Adrift is too strong a word. Unanchored?

Unanchored but still at the shore...not quite adrift or at sea.

There's probably a yoga class I could do for that.

Anyway. Moving houses while in the whirl of preparing a sample teaching lesson for a job interview has left me feeling a bit...unanchored.

As I write this, I think I know what that means...probably part of my mind was worrying about classroom exercises and warm-up games, so I wasn't totally present for the move, and now I am looking around and not only are we in a different home, it feels like we are in a different Bangkok.

Also, I suppose preparing the teaching demonstration is a little scary—a job interview is one thing, but I'd never prepared or implemented any kind of teaching lesson before, and it feels like there's not a lot of room to hide my lack of expereince. And when I'm anxious, I look around for secure things to comfort me, and now I'm looking around and my surroundings are totally different, and strange.

But you know what else? There is also a little pleasure in the feeling of strangeness. Of not-quite-at-homeness.

Probably in part because I love our tall-and-skinny, right-on-the-alley, cool and comfortable home.

So this morning I headed to this agency for the job interview and teaching demo. They brought me into a small classroom, where there were a couple other job applicants. A young woman from India gave a math lesson on finding the area of a square and a rectangle, and a man from Zimbabwe gave a lesson on states of matter (I feel kind of weird gendering people, BTW, since they didn't, but also thought it sounded kind of weird to say “a person from India”...or just “a person named Manika.” I also wonder if there are any discussions about pronouns in schools in Thailand?).

The atmosphere was pretty low-key and relaxed, and I felt less worried when they said my lesson could last between fifteen and thirty minutes—they'd said thirty minutes in the email, and I didn't know how I was gonna make that happen with three “students” in the class.

I did a lesson on the first conditional. It went OK, I'd say. I felt comfortable in front of the class, though writing on the board was weird. I got the class talking a lot, and was encouraging and energetic and all that. But the thing we learned from out TEFL course (and that I'm sure I realized from, like, middle school French) is that good ESL classes involve getting the students to talk a lot. And some of the exercises and activities I'd devised to get them talking were better than others. Once I gave some of the prompts, I realized they were unclear or too complex, and the “students” just kind of stared at me. I did my best to navigate through it, and tried to clarify and get things flowing again but...you know, first time mistakes.

But! It's the only time I'll ever have to do that for the first time. And I learned a lot about having really clear expectations & instructions.

After my lesson, I did an interview with someone else from the agency. She said pretty early on in the conversation that because I'm a native speaker, I should get plenty of job offers. So that kind of took the pressure off. She asked me basic questions—why do I want to teach, why did I come to Thailand, what would I do if a student was misbehaving—that I answered with varying success.

But, weirdly, I don't know how much the interview really mattered. Just being from an English-speaking country confers a certain (unearned) privilege on me. So, okay.

The woman from the agency said her assistant would be in touch with any job prospects—if a school is interested, I would probably do an interview and another demo lesson for them (!). I also heard back from another school this morning, asking me to send a short introductory video, which I did (Roman got the same email and sent in his video too).

Anyway, I don't think it's going to be too hard to find a job here? Fingers crossed! But man, will it be a steep learning curve once I'm in the classroom in front of a bunch of kids!

...Checking back in, later in the day now.

In the afternoon, Roman and I went to get pedicures, which wasn't an altogether great experience. It took forever and they didn't do that great a job. And then, later, when we left to get dinner, I totally smudged the paint on both big toe nails. Noooooo!

Really I'm just stressed out about money and JOB STUFF.

The agency sent me an email about a couple job openings a few hours after I left. One seems doable—an position teaching English at a school near a metro station. The pay is 40,000 baht per month.

But man, the email is bringing up anxieties! If I agree to do the interview, will I have to prepare another lesson demo? And should I be prepared to take a job offer, or should I be looking for something a little more central and/or with a higher salary? Does working for an agency offer me protection, or less valuable contact with the school itself?

I just feel out of my depth. BUT, I don't have to make a decision right now. All I have to do is reply to an email and go from there. And it's not like I have to find the perfect job. Just a job.

I'm sure I'll have more updates soon. In the meantime, here are some pictures of things we've eaten!